


As Time Goes By

by HobiLover



Category: La La Land (2016)
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hollywood, Hollywood Ending, La La Land, Los Angeles, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Performing Arts, Post-Canon, Romance, So much angst, actress, musician - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2019-12-26 05:30:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18276749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HobiLover/pseuds/HobiLover
Summary: Inside of Mia's head, there's the ideal of the world as it could have been with him.What about through Sebastian's eyes?





	1. Winter -- Prologue

“And a little too good on piano, so good he's gonna own this place if I'm not careful, Khirye Tyler, everybody.” An electrifying cheer rippled through the crowd, and he smiled, reflecting the energy received from those in front of him, that dream he worked so hard to accomplish. He peered through the pale blue light that shined in his eyes, grinning widely.  

Only...  

> _Is someone in the crowd the only thing you really see?_  

His heart froze. That icy light swallowed her up, and a tunnel closed in around him where her bright eyes that always seemed to be sleepy pierced his chest and made his stomach tie into knots. Purples and blues and pale yellows blurred around her. It always did.   

> _Watching while the world keeps spinning ‘round?_

That man sitting beside her whirled into the shadows, the maroon behind her and the little lights on the table spun around him. A sharp needle jabbed into the back of his head as that tablepiece cast a light across her face, a sad little smile reaching up to her eyes. 

“Uhh...” The silence was deafening, but only to him, where the quiet din of the audience was watching, waiting for something to happen. He opened his mouth to speak but found his heart in his throat and blood pounding in his ears. 

> _Somewhere there’s a place where I find who I’m_ _gonna be._  

“Welcome to Seb’s,” he almost crooned, something deep and low in his voice he barely recognized himself. Maybe it’s the sound of a shattered heart?  

This was him now, him without her. It had been her idea -- the name. But it was his dream from ages ago. And it didn’t have her in it.  

He wanted it back. He wanted  _her_ back. What was the point of this if it wasn’t with her?  

What was the point of these white keys, the black keys? There was no point if his gentle notes floated through the quiet room if there was no voice to sing with it, the perfect harmony and the little giggles as she leaned on his piano.  

It was an old melody that hadn’t been played in what felt like eons. His fingers remembering the tune just like how they remembered the hand that was once his to hold. His heart breaking as it did before they met. 

He was his own boss now, and the pain of deciding to play this piece was almost crippling. The notes reflected it, and soon the black blurred into the white his vision clouded up.   

> _A somewhere that’s just waiting to be found._  

The final precious note rang out into the club, echoing in his ears, in his head. The silence between notes to the applause of the audience gave him chills. The stare of the woman in front of him made his skin prickle.

He could only hear her. “No... We should go.” He didn’t see her come in, he didn’t see her stand up to leave. The floor swam in front of him, and when he slowly matched her gaze with his, she couldn't look away. 

The hurt in her eyes, that deeply set somber line set into her cheeks, he couldn’t even imagine what he looked like, hiding his face with the bangs that had fallen loose. How could she smile so easily? He tried to match hers, but so much more shattered than a real one. 

Sharing the kiss of a tear, and she turned away, gone. Lost, then found, then once more gone. Forever. He pursed his lips slightly, nodding. Turning back to the piano, he breathed in. Out. 

Suppress, control, hide. 

“One, two, a-one two three four!”  

Only as time goes by, does one realize what they've lost.

\---

Walking out of the club... 

Their club? Was that too weird to say? 

It was her logo design hanging up on the wall in a neo-blue against red brick, with that silly little barstool that she could never really remember who's it was, but he'd talk for hours and hours about how it was priceless in his eyes. The time spent away, far far away, her memories were so blurred.  

But as she turned to walk up the stairs, out up onto the street where her husband was waiting by the car, little seeds of memories replanted themselves, and she was left scrambling to pick up some of her pride off of the floor where that man just inside had always ripped her down to her true, natural self.  

He could see her as she was, who she wanted to be. Her real self. And feeling violated, she crossed her arms, running a hand up to her bare shoulder. That sound of jazz faded as the car door slammed shut, and not long after, it was silenced by a rushed breathing and the pounding of Mia’s heart in her ears. David sat down, started the car, and began down the road.   

Her husband smiled to himself, humming something gentle under his breath. She looked up at him as it didn't take long for her to recognize what he was trying to mumble. It had been ages ago since she had last heard it, even longer since the time she had first heard it, and the fact it was her husband singing the wrong song, their song, struck a pain inside her head.  

David looked down. “Hmm?”  

“Oh nothing,” Mia shrugged, plastering on a smaller smile. “You liked the song.” He... wasn't really singing it right either. He missed a few notes here and there as he hummed the last bit of the final strain. He didn't know the whole piece, just the repeating part, again and again. 

“How could I not?” David looked away to watch the car cut in front of him as he merged onto the highway. “He played with such raw emotion, just like you do when you act. He definitely played the part of... dare I say pain?” 

She fiddled with the small ring on her finger, the glittering gem in the orange light of the lamps along the road. “Something along those lines...” Flattered, yet surprised he could see the pain in him, but not see her as she was now. Maybe she played the part too well. 

“It’s a bit far from home, and with Andy, we won’t really have much of a chance to go out often.” He took her hand in his, running his thumb over her knuckles, stopping her from fiddling with the ring before she the jewel slipped out as it had before. “However, is that a place you’d like to go more often now that you’re back?” 

Her breath caught in her throat, and her mind did a double-take as she thought through with the wheels of her mind rapidly shifting to come up with something to say. “Let’s not go often.” 

“Oh. How come?” He glanced down at her as he changed lanes. The highway rushed behind them, speeding along quickly. She took her hand out of his to swat at his forearm, shooting him a glare.  

“Hand on the wheel, buster,” she scolded. “You and your... reckless driving.” Continuing, she withdrew back to find the word needed. “But I guess a place like that, I want it to keep its magic.”  

 _Tread carefully._ She didn’t want to ruin what she already had. Not over him, as much as she wanted to. 

A daughter.  

David nodded, changing yet another lane, with the insisted both-hands. “As in...?” He mumbled, almost absentmindedly now.  

“You’re hard to talk to while you’re driving.” Mia pointed out, a small smile finally sneaking up as she watched him slow down to a crawling standstill on the highway. There’s no way they’d make it home in time for her to see her late night-owl girl, running around with her stuffed rabbit cradled against her chest. 

“Sorry,” he grinned, turning away from the stopped cars in front to look at Mia. His eyes were soft, but with a sparkle of amusement, and after all these years, it hadn’t faded. 

She couldn’t lose this. 

“Don’t be.” She paused for a moment to think of the best way to explain, or more really, cover up how she felt about the bar that reeked of fulfilled dreams, yet failed promises. “What I mean is that if, for example, you go to La Palomina too many times-”  

“I’d grow bored,” he finished with a small nod, the cars slowly inching forward, and pulling it from park, he moved forwards in the slow line of cars. “So, perhaps anniversary dates?” 

“If you can remember!” Mia retorted, an air of humor in her voice. 

David gasped in faux-horror, a hand to his chest. “Hey! That’s cruel.” 

“Mm you should’ve known what you were getting into when you married me,” she teased, smiling up at him. 

“Of course I did.” He took her hand in his, despite the cars shifting around him as they passed the accident in the median. David kissed her fingertips, whispering a soft, “of course.” 

\--- 


	2. Summer -- One Year Later

Mia leaned against the countertop, flipping through the mail. “Hey, sweetheart?” She paused, waiting for him to turn from the coffee pot. David grunted under his breath, ruffling his messy hair. “You know that the gala is coming up, remember?”

Her husband gave a tired smile over his shoulder and shuffled next to her. “Yeah, tomorrow,” he whispered, sliding a cup of coffee towards her. “I’ll be able to make it.”

She smiled and leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. “Good.”

“Mm, You worry too much,” David mumbled.

Pulling away, Mia set her cup down. “Worrying is what I do,” she protested. The stove’s timer had begun to ring, and in just a moment, there was a dish of easy-bake cinnamon rolls cooling on the counter. “They should’ve been taken out a few minutes ago…”

“Don’t stress. You don’t have to anymore.” He smiled, grabbing some plates from the cabinets. Serving up the rolls, he smiled down at her, quickly kissing her cheek. “Not with me around, at least.”

And yet here she was. 

Stressing, worrying over where he was. 

She had to leave without him and was now pulling up to a wide red carpet, lined with so many eyes of those people watching her as she stepped out from the black car, alone. Her mind was buzzing with a piercing white noise similar to that flash of a camera following behind her. 

He wasn’t here like he said he would. 

She could already see the cameras nitpicking her life apart as she walked down towards the auditorium. They were going to eat her alive, and she held a hand up to shield her eyes from the painful flash of peering cameras, inspecting her too closely. 

Mia just wanted to get away, but with each person stepping in front of her, she found herself whisked off the side into an interview she already knew the topic of. A microphone pressed to her face, and an introduction, followed by a “so, why are you alone tonight” and she already knew it was going to be a long night.

Mia stammered a little as a black lens pushed into her field of view. “Uhh.” Stammering, she found herself freezing up and standing still on the red carpet. She pulled the strap of her dress further up her shoulder and kept her hand placed on her forearm across her body. Vulnerable, exposed.

“I mean, you look stunning.” The lady motioned to her silver dress and the killer heels. She felt too many eyes on her and tried to plaster on a smile for those watching. “I’m shocked no one wanted to keep you company.”

She swatted at the microphone in dismissal. “Oh no. My husband was supposed to come, but he wasn't able to make it tonight.” Somehow, the prickles on her skin faded, and her façade seemed to set in. The red lipstick and silver dress helped to play the part.

“But he chose work over attending your own movie premiere! Doesn’t it sting a little?”

Mia sighed. Maybe she had called her shields up too early because it began to show the flaws and cracks racing up the side. _Bitch_. She held her breath, attempting to collect herself.

“Well of course it does. However, I’ve had...” she paused, thinking for a moment to open the Pandora’s Box of old, hazy memories. “I guess at the beginning of my career, I had a few people who weren’t able to make it to my first show.”

“So, you’re used to disappointment?”

She floundered for her next words, unsure of what to say and how to put it for the scathing cameras. “God, no. That’s not what I meant by that.” These interviews always twisted words and loved to feed off of gossip, and at this point, she couldn’t have found anything more to say that wouldn’t have ruined her any less.

The reporter waved her hand. “I apologize if I went too far.”

“That’s alright, Jackie.” She smiled what she thought to be forced, but she had trained herself to at least have something on the verge of convincing. “I think people will understand what I meant.” Glancing between the reporter and the camera, she gave a little nod to an invisible audience.

“Fair point.” She changed subjects with a formal shake of Mia’s hand, where the air was becoming thick and heavy on Mia, but perhaps not for her. This was only a reporter’s second nature. Ruining self-esteem. “Well, I hope you enjoy your dazzling performance. I certainly can assure you I will.”

“Thank you.” Mia waved the camera away, taking a deep breath as she hurried to the doorway of the auditorium. She sat in the seats reserved for the cast, next to her “father,” Rick Sallow for the movie and his sweet wife. She saw the way their eyes drifted to the empty seat beside her but made no comment. The swelling of the opening orchestral piece echoed through the hall as the white screen lit up and the lights went dark. The crowd quieted, and she fell into her seat.

The plush, red seat swallowed her up. The colors swirled on the screen, and she barely saw herself behind that sheen with the cigarette in her hand. Rick flashed in and out of images until the vivid colors shifted to a muted purple as the actor beside her was lowered into the ground. It took time before the movie got brighter, but the hopeful sound of a crystal-clear flute did nothing to lift her own spirits.

Strings soared over the flute, vibrated her heart inside her chest. The end credits rolled, and only a few lights flickered on. The crowd around her began to applaud and the cast stood. As the lead, she was taken to the stage. Rick stood behind her, clapping a hand on her shoulder. 

The projector was still on, and other lights fell on her too. It blinded, and it beamed down in any way but kind. Cameras recorded, eyes watched. The auditorium held their breath as they waited for her to speak up.

“The Dream’s Daughter...” She trailed off, hearing her voice reverberate into the hall. Clicks of camera shutters echoed in her ears. “I don’t know. I’d like to say it’s a reflection of myself. I certainly empathize with the pain and struggle of finding one’s dream.

Mia didn’t know what to say. “I’d sit on the floor and I’d stare up into the eyes of my aunt, where she spun stories of gold in the air that I could almost see. I could see them twirling around her fingertips, and I found myself wishing it for myself. 

“Aunt Carol swept me off of my feet, and made me feel that anything was possible; she made me believe I could create feelings and emotions through music or stories… or in my case, through acting. 

She felt as though she was rambling. Her treasured memory of her aunt who spurred her into where she was standing today for all to see. Another vulnerability in a time where she had already found herself bleeding for the cameras to see. 

Shaking, Mia found herself nodding as the audience applauded. Walking down the steps, she felt as if her feet would sweep out from underneath her. The eyes had shifted from her to the doors as they departed. 

There was the small afterparty now. She found herself carried by the crowd to another large, yet tucked away room with a wide, sweeping ceiling that opened up to show a stretch from the city up to the moon and shimmering stars.

The golds and reds were muted, and she walked towards the windows spanning the far wall. The blanks of the city and pinpricks of orange swallowed her. 

Why was this bothering her?

“Here.”

She was startled by the voice beside her. Mia gave a small smile to the lady, recognizing her after a moment as the wife to Rick who had played her father recently. 

“I’m not saying it’s the most healthy solution, but drink the pain away tonight.” Holding out a glass of amber liquid in a short glass, the lady chuckled slightly, sipping from her own. “Heavenly father sure knows I consume too much.” Taking it, Mia took a tentative sip, turning back to the window and watching their reflections in front of dancing car lights. It was an older scotch, a soft smell of the alcohol infused with vanilla. Tasting it had hints of deep spices sparking.

“But I am telling you, you needn’t stay for long.” The lady’s hand was warm on her bare shoulder, and as she pulled Mia to face her, her eyes were softer. Only then had Mia realized how closed off the woman held herself up to now. “No one here would blame you.”

Mia frowned, taking another, larger sip that burned much more thoroughly. “I don't want their pity,” she said with a strange hoarseness in her voice that she hadn’t expected. 

“Very good.” She nodded, turning to watch a blue and red pair of lights racing through the sea of headlights. “Few actually do. Now go home, Ms. Dolan, wherever that may be.”

“Uhh...” Mia sputtered, watching as the woman gave one last glance to the emergency vehicle racing down the highway, and then a final nod to her before gliding away with a small wave.

She stopped after a few steps to look back. Holding up her glass in a toast, she whispered as an afterthought, “Johnny Walker, Red Label,” and gave a wink matched with a sad smile. 

Puzzled, Mia glanced down at the glass in her hand before watching the people bustling around her. That woman was gone, but she probably was right. If things went as they always did, this was the calm before the storm, and it was only about to get worse. 

Calling her ride, she began to walk out, the wind biting her bare shoulders and stinging her cheeks. Despite the early spring this year, night only gave the world a reason to treat L.A. as if it was in a deep, chilled winter. As she stood back to avoid being seen, the dark enveloped her and wrapped its arms around her warmly. 

The black of her car took her from the shadows to its leather seats, and the sway as the car lurched forwards to home lulled her to drift away with the taste of a strong alcohol on her breath. She barely saw the stars through the orange of passing streetlamps, the patio light flicker on as the car parked alongside the front porch.

She thanked the man she didn’t really know, her mind foggy more than it had been before. Stepping inside barefoot, she fumbled with the hem of her dress as she stumbled upstairs to her bedroom. 

Throwing the shoes aside, she took a deep breath, a sigh of relief as she shed the dress, letting it fall to the floor and wrapping herself up in her favorite flannels. Wiping off her fake face in the bright mirror, her tired eyes blinked back. Her body slumped on the counter for support, no remaining grace or poise.

Crawling into bed, she placed her hand on the empty bedside where David was supposed to be. She pulled her hand back, wrapping herself in the blankets to pretend his arms were around her.

He was supposed to have been there. But was she really supposed to be this upset over something so small and trivial?

No, it wasn’t something small. Tonight was a big deal to her, and he had forgotten once more.

Why did he do this to her?

Do all of them do this?

Mia hugged herself tighter and felt the tears begin to roll down her cheek and stain the pillows. Her soft sobs filled the empty room, and the dark was no longer warm and inviting, but stifling. 

\---


End file.
